Hilarious School Exam Answers

The following questions were set at the GCSE examination in England.

These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

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Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Horror Fairytales

10 Most Controversial Games

1. Bully
2. Tomb Raider
3. Ethnic Cleansing
4. Muslim Massacre
5. Resident Evil 5
6. Six Days In Fallujah
7. Left 4 Dead 2
8. State Of Emergency
9. Silent Hill
10. Grand Theft Auto   

Mud Fest

Where Kratos treads, gods tremble

The game's opening has all the makings of an old-timey joke that starts something like "A rage-filled demigod and a pack of crabby Titans go into Olympus…" But, unfortunately, "and the gods all died horribly" doesn't work as a satisfying punch line. However, it does all work pretty spectacularly as a game opener. GOWIII picks up right where the previous game ended, with Kratos and a mob of Titans scaling their way up Mount Olympus eager to give the surviving Greek gods a whuppin'. The gorgeous opening cinematic, all rendered in real time via the game's jaw-dropping graphics engine, zooms around to give players a dazzling view of Olympus and the surrounding land before resting on Kratos who's just itching for a fight as he rides on Gaia's shoulder. As fearsome as Kratos's mob may be, the gods aren't exactly trembling in fear: Zeus, Hades, Hermes, Helios, and Poseidon are more than willing to throw down with the oncoming mob, which is exactly what each heads off to do. Poseidon is the most pressing threat in the opening because he creates a watery creature to yank the advancing Titans off the mountain. Your immediate concern when you get control of Kratos is to deal with the various enemies appearing on Gaia intent on stopping you. Once Gaia is nabbed by Poseidon's creature, you'll have to deal with that as well. This isn't much of a problem due to Kratos's powered-up status at the start of the game, and given what the last two games were like, we don't expect that will last, but it sure is nice.
The short sequence we played was a dynamic rollercoaster that saw Kratos skittering up Gaia's arm while the Titans crawled up Olympus and dealing with assorted enemies, including Poseidon's water creature, as well as the sea god himself. The intro offered another showcase for the impressive Titan gameplay that has the environment change around Kratos on the fly. In the space of a few minutes, we were running normally, hanging upside down, and crawling up--all off of Gaia's arm. The cinematic shifts looked great and helped mix up the game's pacing to good effect. Along the way, we got the chance to do just about everything we were expecting as Kratos (stabbing, punching, eviscerating, and goring anything in our way) along with some new perks (using enemies as a battering ram; a much more visceral way to kill) that fit in nicely. At the moment, we're big fans of the evolving levels courtesy of riding a Titan, and we can't say enough about the new mechanics involved in deicide. While the series has always been on the cutting edge of god-murdering, we'll go out on a limb to say GOWIII offers the most visceral experience the series has seen yet, thanks to a good mix of button pressing along with a wicked use of the R3 and L3 buttons.
God of War III's visuals handily set a new high watermark on the PlayStation 3, thanks to their insane level of detail, sheer scope, and impressive art direction. One key thing to note is that the game looks a lot better than the recent PlayStation Network demo. The static environments are gorgeous, and the Titans--living, moving environments in their own right--look fantastic. The assorted enemies on display, both big and small, are a sight to behold--and that's before Kratos guts them. The violence in the game is as over the top as ever with the added benefit of HD viscera and blood…so much blood. Our favorite element so far is the creative camera work that zips through first-, third-, and second-person angles during god murdering. At the center of everything is Kratos, who's never looked better. The package is topped off by some jaw-dropping lighting effects, smooth animation, and a steady frame rate that we haven't seen waver--even when things onscreen are going nuts.

The game's audio is the perfect complement to its stunning visuals. The franchise's score has always aimed high and helped sell each entry's scale. The music in God of War III stays the course and serves up some truly epic accompaniment to the onscreen action. The score we've heard so far has matched the onscreen action perfectly and packs the punch of a movie score. The voice acting in the game is a top notch as ever, rooted in Linda Hunt's fantastic narration and T.C. Carson's rage-filled voicing of Kratos. The supporting cast seems to be stepping up to Hunt and Carson's level--for as long as they're alive anyway.

DUDE! SWEET!

Babe Of The Day Apr/08